Welcome! And thank you for joining us for the second episode of the AFF's pilot title tournament! We've got another great lineup of wrestlers to introduce you to tonight and we hope that you have as much fun following along as we have bringing the show to you.
Our opening match will see Bobby Parmenter "Outlaw Rowdy" go up against the snooty brit Nigel Trantham "The Mindreader". Next up on the card will be Professor Corey Schellenberger "Beard-O" versus the mysterious "Seventh Sense". Lots of big brains tonight, but will they result in big wrestling action? After that we have Elwood "Muscles MArrone" Springer and Hector Puleo, fresh from his appearance on "Los Dias de la Semana" this week. Our final match is some interesting gimmicks clashing, Ron "Grady From '80" and CJ Columbus from 1492!
Now with that said...
Welcome to Saturday Night AFF!
Outlaw Rowdy vs. The Mindreader
Already in the ring is Nigel Trantham, "The Mindreader" enjoying a spot of tea. Very refined on the surface but don't let that fool you, he's a mean wrestler. Making his way to the ring now is Bobby Parmenter, "Outlaw Rowdy", accompanied by his friend Tripp Hazard. We'll be seeing Tripp next week, but it looks like he wanted to get the spotlight on him tonight too. He's jumping around the walkway and working the crowd, Rowdy is not having any of that. Tripp gives Rowdy a hearty slap on the back and makes his farewells. We'll see if Outlaw Rowdy can channel that annoyance into a win against his opponent today.
The bell has rung but Nigel simply stares down Outlaw Rowdy as he sips his tea. It must be quite a stare because Rowdy seems to be quite shaken down to his core. He really looks like a stranger to the ring out there tonight. Is The Mindreader using some sort of psychic power?
Suddenly the arena entrance lights up again! What's this? It's Bruno Biltwell, the barber! He already locked in his spot in the next round of the tournament last week, so why's he here now? He's got a photo with him, it's of Nigel Trantham as a young man. Oh, Nigel had a flock of seagulls haircut back then! Oh it's awful! Bruno's out here to taunt Nigel! Surely Nigel won't be tricked by such a distraction with his big brain... but no! Nigel has leapt out of the ring and is chasing Bruno Biltwell! Bruno is waving the photo wildly! He's crumpled it up and tosses it into the crowd just as Trantham catches up to him! The referee is counting, he's up to 6! Nigel realizes he needs to get back in the ring, but Bruno has a hold of him! What kind of history do these two have for Trantham to sabotage his own chances at the title?! 8! 9! 10! Nigel Trantham is disqualified and Outlaw Rowdy is the winner! What a start to our show tonight!
Outlaw Rowdy gives an interview saying he's not really sure what's going on, he's still gotta process it, but the next time he sees his former 'friend' Tripp Hazard, it's not gonna be pretty after that stunt he pulled.
Professor "Beard-O" Schellenberger vs. "The Seventh Sense"
Our second match of the night involves more weirdos with big brains and alleged wierdo brain powers! But before we get started with that, we see a peek backstage, where Jason "The Dead End" Dedmond is knocking on the commissioner's door yelling that this upcoming match is an awful booking and why wasn't he put in this instead? Really? A history professor?
The bell rings and they start to tussle together, but it's not really exciting. Maybe Dedmond is right to be so mad. This is some of the most basic grappling I've seen. Did they think this was a Greco-Roman tournament?
Oh Beard-O is doing something! He's managed to sneak a massive textbook into the ring and is starting to beat Seventh Sense with it! Oof! That looked heavy! Seventh Sense hits with a knee drop that looks like it barely did anything to Beard-O, who crushes Seventh Sense's arm with the textbook! He's pulling up on that smashed arm as he pins The Seventh Sense to the ground. Kick out at 2!
Beard-O hits his opponent in the head with the textbook this time and tries another pin. Kick out at 1!
Seventh Sense is looking very tired but connects a shoulder neck breaker. Beard-O counters with a standing surfboard. He jumps up to the top rope for an elbow drop. Wait! That's his double elbow drop! The "History Repeats Itself"! Seventh Sense must have used his mind powers to foresee this as he rolls out of the way of the second drop, sending Beard-O into the mat!
Beard-O is really mad now, and channels his power into a reverse underhook DDT and goes for the pin again! 1! 2! 3! Beard-O wins by pinfall!
Beard-O grabs the mic after the match and talks about how history will show him as the champion in the end. He looks very confident and majestic with that huge beard.
Elwood "Muscles Marrone" Springer vs. Hector Puleo
Fresh off his appearance in the telenovela "Los Dias de la Semana", Hector Puleo looks absolutely on top of his game. The cast of the show is in the VIP booths tonight and Hector gives them all a smile and wave before the match starts. Meanwhile Elwood is flexing his muscles. You know, if you're going to be a wrestling personality just based around your muscles, maybe they should be a little more... impressive. Something seems off about these ones.
The bell goes off and Marrone opens up with a charging headbutt. Hector seems completely unfazed and brings his knee up into Marrone's face. Marrone expects this though, and reverses it, shifting into a axe bomb instead.
Looks like the ref didn't like something about that last move and calls it out. But that's not all, What's that noise?! Marrone's muscle's seem to be... deflating?? You can't make this stuff up folks! But really, you can.
Hector wastes no time using this to his advantage and gives Marrone the big boot, then aims his kick higher for a face driver. Marrone tries to counter but can't seem to find the strength to grab Puleo.
It takes a bit but the Muscleless Marrone starts to get back into this match by bouncing off the ropes to build up momentum and jumping into a spin kick.
Puleo simply picks up the weakened Marrone and drops him with a vertical suplex and a pin attempt. Kick out at 3!
Hector stands up, lifts up Marrone's leg and stomps on him before signalling "La Tremenda", his reverse full nelson slam. The puny Elwood Springer can do nothing against this and is utterly defeated!
Before Hector Puleo can celebrate, the arena lights drop to a deep blue glow, and the mysterious commissioner's voice booms out. Clearly, because one wrestler was having muscle failures, this match is a no decision! Neither man moves on! Hector is stunned! The crowd is booing! Elwood is trying to re-inflate his arms and isn't paying attention! What a wild result!
CJ Columbus vs. Ron "Grady From '80"
Our final match of the night is upon us. I personally am hoping for something relatively normal, but looking at these two I don't think I can hope that much. You never know what will happen in the Action Feud Federation! In fact, Bruno Biltwell is running back out into the arena again! Hasn't he had enough?! He's calling out CJ Columbus for looking so dumb in that hat and he's so glad that the holiday has been changed to Indigenous Peoples Day. CJ is absolutely incensed by this, arguing back that those are big words for a man with a hairdressing gimmick. At least Columbus has the good sense to not go chasing after Bruno like Nigel Trantham did earlier.
The match has finally begun and Columbus sails across the ring to discover hitting Grady with a flying elbow drop, then into a submission hold. I think he just bit Grady but the referee missed it! How disgusting!
Grady breaks loose and bounces off the ropes into a clothesline. He keeps his momentum up, jumping on top of the ropes on the other side. He leaps off of them into a fist drop, grabs CJ, and rolls both of them out of the ring!
Grady smashes CJ into the concrete floor, and throws him onto our announcer table! It breaks! And Grady goes for a pin! Kick out at 1! CJ tries to run back into the ring but Grady tosses him into the audience squishing a fan! The fan loves it though! He'll have a great story to tell later!
Both men have made it back into the ring. CJ is looking rough, but he's always got a scheme cooking. He grabs Grady into a hold but that sure doesn't look like a legal hold! It looks like it sure hurts though! He works that hold into an abdominal stretch and submission pin, but Grady kicks out at 1!
Grady hits Columbus with a shoulder neck breaker, and calls for his finisher! The reverse figure four leg lock, "Be Kind, Please Rewind"! CJ can't break free from that! Grady wins by submission!
Grady works the crowd over after his win, and he seems to have caught the eye of one of the stars of "Los Dias de la Semana" that are in the VIP booth tonight. Maybe they have some serious 1980's nostalgia.
And that's it for the show tonight! Thank you for joining us and we hope to see you next time at the Action Feud Federation!