It's time for Round 2!
But first a few notes:
Originally I was going to have the full tournament before switching to normal episodes, but I kept thinking on it, and with there still likely to be 5 contenders for the SNAFF World Champion Title, maybe I should put these into normal episodes and have some fun. The actual title can be fought over at our first major FPR (free-per-read) event:
BUMPOOFBASH!
What a great name, right? I'm proud of it.
Anyway After this episode goes live, it may take some time for me to get the first episode of season 1 out since I decided to add some tag teams to the roster and I gotta get those all set up. Also been busy lately entertaining a baby who is sadly not too interested in wrestling writeups yet.
On to the show!
We are running all five matches of the World Title Championship tonight, so grab your beverage. First up is:
Match 1: Count Von Fluker vs. Beard-O
During Beard-O's entrance, the Count grabs Beard-O's history textbook and whacks him in the knee.
Once it officially starts, Fluker gets Beard-O in a submission hold but Beard-O manages to break out and hit the Count in the chin. Beard-O uses his 'Cram Session' flying headbutt. He grabs his textbook back and hits Fluker in the shoulder. He then lifts the Count straight up in the air and slams with the vertical suplex, then a face into the turnbuckle, and tries to pin. Kick out at 1.
Count Vn Fluker gets his wind back and hits a giant swing at Beard-O, bouncing him out of the ring.
von Fluker grabs a trash can and wails on Beard-O with it, but the ref issues a warning and they both get back in the ring.
The Count kicks with his big "Das Boot", sending Beard-O acros the ring. He then rushes over and punches Beard-O in the throat and another boot, this time to the groin. That's probably illegal but the ref doesn't notice this. Von Fluker attempts to pin Beard-O but he kicks out at 1.
The Count picks Beard-O up in a crowd-pleasing airplane spin and calls for his "Count's Claw" iron claw finisher! Oh but he misses!
Beard-O tries to swing the match his way, but gets the big boot and another pin attempt. Count out at 1 again.
Beard-O works the pin into a side headlock of the Count and pins him instead! Count Von Fluker can't move! 1! 2! 3! Beard-O wins and moves on!
After the match, Beard-O grabs the mic and instead of addressing the match he just had a huge comeback in, he talks about Jason Dedmond's words from 2 weeks ago about how Beard-O is supposedly a terrible choice for booking. Beard-O can give a better match than The Dead End ever could and will be happy to give him a personal tutoring on the subjects of history and pain.
Match 2: Bruno Biltwell vs. Jason "The Dead End" Dedmond
Speaking of Dead End, we're seeig him here in the very next match. I'm sure he heard that callout and he'd better be ready to give a real performance today against Bruno Biltwell. Bruno is looking extra cocky tonight. I bet he is expecting it to be an easy match tonight.
The bell rings and Bruno leaps off the ropes into a handspring leg lariat. He then bounces off the ropes aain into a flying head butt. Jason is surging back with his "Flin Flon Flip" flying knee lift! Bruno recovers and holds his oponent in a step-over toe hold, follwed up with a snap suplex. He finishes his combo with his special "Make Yourself Comfortable" body scissor lock and a pin attempt! Kick out at 2.
Jason looks mad after escaping the pin and smashes his opponent into the turnbuckle. But Bruno catches Dead End, rubs Jason's face all over the ropes, and tries to pin him again! Kick out at 2 again! Close call.
Bruno keeps heavy pressure up with a bionic elbow, then points out Jason's hair. He's calling for his finisher "Just Fuck My Shit Up Fam" body chops and headbutt! Jason is stunned and Bruno pins him! Bruno Biltwell is victorious!
We catch up again with Beard-O, who has been watching the fight with interest from backstage. He says that he's still ready to beat down Dead End himself soon, but is taking great satisfaction at seeing his failure tonight too. At least he won't be wasting valuable tournament slots anymore.
Match 3: Grady From '80 vs. Outlaw Rowdy
While preparing for this match, we get a chance to talk to Bruno Biltwell. He says that the interviewers have missed their chance to talk, since they were so in a rush to talk to someone who wasn't even in that last match. He shakes his head and goes into the locker room.
We're beginning this match between Grady and Rowdy now. Both men tussle for a while, just as it looks like Grady's going to get the upper hand, Rowdy reverses and pulls him into a full nelson. Grady escapes and knife hand chops Rowdy. the grapple some more for a few minutes, but Grady gets Rowdy in a big neck snap and reverse, which he works into a choke hold. Parmenter slips out and uses his bulk to his advantage in a giant swing. Uh oh! Grady better watch out! Rowdy's got his hangman's rope out! He's tying Grady up! Grady figures out how to escape and hits a powerbomb bulldog while Rowdy gloats to the crowd. Not as good a tying job as he thought huh? Grady then jumpkicks Rowdy. Rowdy grabs his noose again and starts to choke Grady against the ring ropes. Grady shimmies out and spins into an over-shoulder chinlock and a pin attempt. Kick out at 2.
Grady hits with some quick jabs before getting Rowdy into his Be Kind Please Rewind reverse figure-four leg lock! Rowdy tries to get out but has gotten himself tangled in his own ropes! He can't get out! Your winner is Ron Grady From '80!
Outlaw Rowdy starts making up excuses about how he got caught up in his own ropes and would have won if that hadn't happened. Grady says "Oh yeah?!" and starts beating on the cowboy even more.
Dokie Duster Oakey vs. Alcaraz Feliz "Colorful" Romero
As Dokie Duster Oakey is making his entrance, Romero suddenly enters, switching up the music and interrupting everything. Must be some sort of mindgame to throw Duster off his game. He sure looks angry about it.
So angry that when the bell rings, Oakey throws Romero in a quick snapmare. Romero then rushes Oakey ointo a turnbuckle, and then spits out his blue mist, yelling things that can't be repeated! Oakey is covered in blue goo! Romero works into a jumping spin kick and a body slam. Oakey quickly rolls out of the ring to escape.
Romero leaps out of the ring after Oakey and smacks him into the side of it. Oakey is ready and gets some hits in of his own, but gets thrown into a barricade. He jumps back to his feet and keeps holding his own in the ringside brawl while the ref yells at both of them to get back in the ring. Romero ignores the ref, finds a kendo stick under the ring, and breaks it over Oakey's head before scrambling back in the ring. He taunts Duster with more words that his momma would never have taught him.
Dokie Duster Oakey is fuming now! He runs in, tackles Romero with a cobra clutch, and pins him down! 1! 2! 3! Colorful Romero was not ready for that and Dokie Duster Oakey is the winner! He must not have heard the bell because he's still holding Romero down and yelling his own kind of backwoods vocabulary at him! Security has to step in and separate the two!
Match 5: Volcanos vs. Chuck Splatter
Colorful Romero has joined on the mic at the announcer's table for some reason. He says he's not going back to the locker room just yet in case Duster is there, but he does want to thank him for teaching some new words.
Volcanos has come out with his lovely wife Setsuna, once the bell rings, she's able to sneak around and get a quick hit on Chuck Splatter from outside the ring. Splatter grabs his watermelon and smashes it over Volcanos, making a huge mess. He grabs another watermelon (Where does he get these??) and this one goes to Volcanos' groin. Volcanos rolls out of the ring to sabotage the watermelon stash and Splatter follows.
Chuck Splatter slams Volcanos into the ringside, the floor, the barricade, and then finds a sledgehammer under the ring. He's going to smash in Volcanos' head but the ref catches it and calls for a disqualification! Splatter tries to argue that it was obviously for the pile of melons, but it's too late and Volcanos' is declared the winner and the final contender for the SNAFF World Championship Title!
Romero has been on the mic this whole time, such that the TV broadcast is basically muted from all his foul language. We do make out that he's been bad-mouthing the current match, the commissioner, and the whole federation is a sham. Suddenly the blue glow comes over the arena and the commissioner's voice booms out that he can hear everything Romero is saying and he has something for Romero's indolence. Scary.
And there you have it folks, our five contenders for the title shot at Bumpoofbash are Beard-O, Bruno Biltwell, Grady From '80, Dokie Duster Oakey, and Volcanos! See you next week!