We'd like to start by letting everyone know that Dokie Duster Oakey is recovering. He'll be back in action next week, but has to bow out of the AFF World Championship tournament. We hope to see him contend for that title and others later. With that said, here is...
Tonight's Card
- Atlas Plugs: The Commissioner!
- 2v2: Chain Reaction vs. Memory Munchers
- Twanette Atlas vs. Ann Banningham
- 2v2: Head Cheese vs. Hive Hatched
- Grady From 80 vs. Bruno Biltwell
And finally our Main Event:
Atlas Plugs: The Commissioner
This is very exciting. Nobody actually knows who the commissioner is here at the AFF. They've kept their identity very well hidden while making their presence highly known. Twanette Atlas is very excited both to have this oppurtunity to interview them while preparing for her own first match later tonight against Ann Banningham.
Suddenly everything cuts out. Cameras, the network in the arena, even all the power is gone. The TV screens slowly come back on to static. "You thought it was the commissioner, but it was me: TMI!" A shrill voice calls out. A crude pngtuber avatar appears over the static, presumably this 'TMI' person. She says she's here to destroy the show and challenge Atlas at Bumpoofbash in two weeks.
Eventually the rest of the lights return, but all electronics involved in the filming of Atlas Plugs are completely dead.
Chain Reaction vs. Memory Munchers
We cut backstage to a pair of protogens interfacing with a monitor. These are the Memory Munchers. It seems they are desparate to win their introductory match and are conspiring with the mysterious TMI. She claims to have secret surveillance footage of the protogens' opponents, Chain Reaction, doing something embarrassing and if the Memory Munchers win, she'll release it to the world.
The Memory Munchers consist of Toaster Strudel and Cybervoid. Team Chain Reaction go by the names Free Neutron and Baryon Particle, and they are dressed as research scientists. The match opens and it looks like Baryon Particle and Toaster Strudel are out in the ring first.
Baryon Particle gets the first hit in with a rope rake and Free Neutron joins in with a double-team attack as he tags in. Cybervoid distracts the referee while Toaster Strudel gets some cheap hits in, and then tags in as well. Cybervoid opens its mask up with a scary Visor Byte and shakes Free Neutron like a dog in its jaws before tossing him out of the ring.
Both the Memory Munchers pummel Free Neutron outside the ring before Cybervoid throws him back in. He punches back with a throat strike followed by a russian leg sweep. Baryon Particle joins in for a hit as he tags back in. Free Neutron sneaks around the ring while the ref is focused on the legal wrestlers and gets some hits in on Toaster Strudel. Baryon Particle hits with his Strong Force Fisherman's Suplex, and somehow the particle physics work out that he does it twice in a row!
The strong force calls out to the gravitational force and Planet Caffey comes down the alley to the ring to beat on Toaster Strudel outside of the ring! Cybervoid is distracted by the newcomer long enough for Baryon Particle to pin it! It kicks out at 2. The referee stops the match for a rules violation and orders Caffey back out. This gives both teams time to regroup a bit. The ref starts the match back up and immediately Baryon Particle pulls of Cybervoid's hamstring and pins it again! 1! 2! 3! Chain Reaction are your winners! They get to keep their dignity while the Memry Munchers try to get back in contact with TMI. She doesn't seem to answer them. The world may never know what secret was discovered...
Match Time: 16:30
Twanette Atlas vs. Ann Banningham
Our 2nd of 3 debut matches features none other than our longsuffering interviewer Twanette Atlas up against the woman who claims to be her rival: Ann Banningham. In the middle of Atlas' introduction, the arena blacks out again. Guess who? laughter of TMI can be heard behind the static of the monitors. In the dark, Ann Banningham sneaks up behind Twanette Atlas and starts swinging!
The house quickly gets the lights back up and the bell ringing. Atlas looks mad as hell and about to take out all the misdeeds she's suffered in the three episodes of hosting the interview show on Ann Banningham. She smashes Ann into the turnbuckle, then gets her into a sleeper hold. Eventually Atlas slams Banningham with a huge wheelbarrow powerbomb followed up with a double stomp and pin attempt. Kick out at 1.
Atlas picks Ann back up and powerbombs her againinto another pi. Kick out at 1 again but Ann is looking very tired already. Twanette Atlas uses her #77 double chickenwing and comboes that into her finishing move: the Atlas Shrugged F-5! Ann BAnningham is out cold! Twanette Atlas was so mad that she did not let her get a single hit in outside of the cheaty one before the match! Twanette Atlas is your winner! She grabs the mic and yells some more. This is not a side we've seen of Twanette before. She calls TMI to show her physical prowess in facing her at Bumpoofbash!
Match Time: 11:55
Head Cheese vs. Hive Hatched
Our final debut match of the night, also introducing the final two tag teams on the roster at this time: Team Head Cheese features two country boys from completely different parts of the world, one from the deep south of the USA and one from the island of Sardinia, united by their love of their respective local delicacies. They are Hogshead and Cazu Marzu! And their opponents are the Hive Hatched: A hydralisk and a mutalisk claiming to hail from the planet Char!
TMI apppears again before the opening bell can be rung. She must be having a great time having hacked into the entire arena's systems. She says that Brood War is the greatest video game of all time and the Hive Hatched are guaranteed to beat a couple of hicks that eat gross, stinky, hick food.
The match is opening with Mutalisk and Cazu Marzu in the ring. The crowd seem to be tired of TMI's shenanigans and are already cheering so loud for HEad Cheese that the aliens looks a little confused. Mutalisk manages to shake it off and piledrives Cazu Marzu. Cazu Marzu responds by hitting a knee breaker, and tries to tag in Hogshead, but Mutalisk grabs him and throws him out of the ring on the other end! She slams the hillbilly to the floor multiple times, then onto a table, and finally back into the ring for a pin. Kick out at 1.
Mutalisk tags Hydralisk in, who lunges forward with a loaded fist and pins Cazu Marzu herself. Ding ding ding! Cazu Marzu is pinned and the Hive Hatched are your winners!
We see the Hive Hatched backstage meeting with someone who wants to start up a whoile swarm. Will we see this Zergling joining the fray soon too?
Match Time: 4:57
Main Event: Bruno Biltwell vs. Grady From 80
It's finally time for the main event! You saw them officially team up last week to enter our tag team division, but now these two men will have to fight each other to continue in the AFF World Championship tournament! Bruno Biltwell grabs the mic and notes how the entire show tonight has been a plaything for this TMI character and threatens to shave more than just the hacker's hair if there's any interference like that with this match.
Both men honorably shake hands before the bell rings. Bruno Biltwell wastes no time in grabbign Grady into his "Make yourself comfortable" body scissor lock. He bounces off the ropes in a flying cross body, then hits a stun gun before Grady rolls out of the ring.
Bruno smacks Grady into the side of the ring, then the floor, and then the ring again before Grady scrambles back in. He looks pretty shaken for some reason, barely able to fight back. Bruno gets back in the ring as well, hits another stun gun, and pins Grady right away. 1! 2! 3! Bruno Biltwell looks absolutely unstoppable in this match! Can he go all the way? Was there some sort of match fixing happening between friends?! No of course not. This is wrestling, nobody would dare to rig a wrestling match.
Match Time: 10:00
There you have it folks, the big main event of Bumpoofbash will be Bruno Biltwell facing Volcanos for the AFF World Championship Title! We'll also be seeing Twanette Atlas vs. the irksome and enigmatic TMI at that first big event! But we have one more week and one more episode of Saturday Night AFF before then so we'll see you then!